Living that concert life.

A couple of weeks ago Biscuit and I went to Stone Temple Pilots concert in Phoenix, it was cool because it was just us. It was in a small venue and it was packed!

On Friday I let my 3 older girls go to a festival in Phoenix…solo. Flower, Biscuit, and Blue went to the Pot of Gold Festival in Chandler to see Russ and a series of other artists. Flower drove, Blue was given the task of sending me a play by play of texts during the trip, and Biscuit did whatever. The girls stayed with my cousin and drove back the next morning. I’ll tell you it was scariest, longest, overnight trip EVER. Well, for me. The girls had a wonderful time!



In just 17 days the adoption will be finalized! Our entire family is excited. Blue will be ours, forever. Adoption is tragically beautiful in our case, Blue had to suffer a tremendous loss to be in this position. She has grown, processed, and achieved all of her goals like a pro, this girl is resilient. I’m grateful that she was placed with us, I simply cannot imagine my life without her in. She wants a pet lizard to commemorate the day.

46 days until Orlando with Bunny and Biscuit. ESPN, Disney World, The Summit.

49 days until Husband, Lemon, and Blue go to Disneyland and the beach.

67 days until Flower’s graduation.

In 77 days Husband, Flower and I will venture to China then off to Thailand and Flowers birthday.

I have many things to figure out in the next 70ish days. Summer school, travel plans for the kids over the summer, summer camps, fundraising, change of schools, plan our family trip to Mexico before August, cheer financial forecasting, plan Boychild’s trip because he didn’t want to go to either Disney Parks, in addition to everyday life and all the activities, I’m overwhelmed.

I’ll hunker down over the next few weeks and get it all figured out.


Yeah, Coolsculpting. It freezes the fat cells, they die, then your body discards it naturally. There is no downtime and you can have no physical restrictions after the procedure. It’s like liposuction but better, I’ve heard. I’ve had several friends get it done and they’ve shown beautiful results. What’s the catch? Well, it is not 100% immediate. It’s said that you’ll start seeing results in 3 weeks and after the 8 week mark you’ll see the final results are evident. BUT lots of people have seen results a day or two after the procedure.

Well, I had the pleasure of meeting Summer and having Coolsculpting done here in Lake Havasu City at Innovative Health and Wellness Centeron Saturday. The office is super cute, their staff was kind, and everything was explained very thoroughly. I was outfitted with this funny bra; it looked like a face mask but for my boobs.

Oh boy, don’t I look great? Ha! Then a series of before photos were taken on the backdrop just behind me. We got all of my angles, I can’t imagine it being anything other that disappointing to anyone that sees them. With that being said, I was assured that no one would see my pictures.

I recently had emergency surgery, February 27th, so the problem area beneath my belly button was a no-go due to not being healed fully. If you look closely you can see the incision scar on my lower stomach, the side where I’m holding my phone. I decided to do my under boob area, I’ve got stubborn fat that I cannot get rid of. It just lives there now, my under boob fat roll. We’re old friends now, I call her Noreen.

The top photo is where Summer marked me, that’s where she placed the barrier (which was a sticky piece tissue-ish paper) and she placed the suction piece on top of marked area. We did one area at a time, she placed it on me and it sucked right on. It felt cold but not uncomfortable. The second picture shows the device velcro’d on me. After a few minutes it the area had gone numb and I attempted to watch a movie, I ended up distracted by my phone instead. The first area was 35 minutes and then the suction coolsculpting device was removed, the barrier paper was removed, and I was wiped down. The barrier paper was sticky and sweet smelling. Then Summer massaged the area, BOY did that feel weird! It wasn’t painful… it was a different sensation; one I’ve never felt before. That’s when she was breaking up the ice crystals, the massage was short and enjoyable. Repeat for the second area. Quick. Painless. Cool.

I left the office and proceeded with my daily life, very little discomfort was felt and I had no issues sleeping at night. This morning I woke up and the two treated areas were sensitive to touch. The two areas were a bit sore too, comparable to muscle soreness after working out. I have a follow up appointment scheduled several weeks out, I’m anxious to see the results! I hope Noreen will vanquish.

I’ll continue to update about my fat freezing journey and post some of the unflattering pictures. If it works I’ll definitely go back and have my other problem area, my lower stomach, done as soon as possible!

I’m ecstatic.

April 4th is going to be a stellar day! Blue will become a part of our family, legally. She’s been part of our family in our hearts for a long time but on paper she will have the same last names as her siblings! Our entire household is excited, Blue has been working on a speech, secretly, for the big day. Aaaah! My heart is full!

In other news…I had emergency surgery last week. That was not fun, Biscuit was terribly upset and very anxious during the entire ordeal. Don’t get me wrong, the other kids were too. Biscuit is emotional and territorial about anything regarding me, it was a tough time for her. Luckily, everything is well and things are getting back to normal.

Hair has adjusted well to our home, she will be short term. She has an ICPC in place, thats a fancy acronym for relatives in another state who which to obtain guardianship.

Pretty moved out! I’m proud of her, she’s adulting. We miss her around here, it’s much quieter. I will be seeing Pretty today, we have a date. One perk? Kimber was messy, her room was a danger zone. It’s pretty tidy now, the other girls are relieved.

Flower, oh boy. Flower has had a tough few weeks. She’s had family in the hospital who are terminal, her boss unexpectedly died & she was laid off, her family members have said hurtful things, the list goes on. She’s going to be okay, it’s just a lot for her to deal with. Her grades are great despite all of things going on around her.

Biscuit was recruited to a third cheer team, this kid is busy. Biscuit has excellent grades and is a talented artist. She has also started the low carb lifestyle, because ‘potato chips are not life.’ Biscuit will also be attending the Summit in Orlando this May, she’s earned a bid with her cheer team.

Blue is a great student, she has been tumbling, attending student council meetings, and she has started track. She’s be adopted, by US!

And then there were 10.

We recieved new placement over the weekend, a 14 year old female, we will call her Hair. This girl has the longest, thickest, hair ever. She is outgoing, an excellent student, and okay with the extreme change in her life.

At the end of the we month Pretty is moving out at the end of the month, she’s grown up! Pretty recently had a job change and it seems to be a good fit.

Biscuit is doing wonderful, she’s going to be 14 in less than 2 weeks. She is doing standard high school and online school, cheers on 2 teams, and wants to get a job.

Flower has been accepted to 2 colleges, she is interested in bio medicine/Neuro stuff. She is working and finishing high school and will graduate with 18 college credits. We are taking her to Thailand for graduation, she is elated.

Blue is doing exceptionally well, she has started tumbling and is super close to her back handspring. I’ve got great news! The recent appeal by bio mom has been dismissed and our adoption is underway! I can’t wait until she is ours forever, I can’t imagine a life without her.

Boychild celebrated his birthday, he is officially 11. He had been wanting a new dirt bike and we came through for him.

Bunny is a stellar student, a great helper, and is getting better at regulating her feelings. We are experiencing WAY less crying, thank God.

Lemon is big. She isn’t liking the change from toddler to kid. Now that she is 5 she has more responsibility.

Husband and I are doing great, I do get annoyed with him when he doesn’t take care of himself. This whole skin cancer thing has been dragging on. He had his stitches removed then the incision site reopened, ugh. And he STILL won’t stay still.

Teaching is cool, I’m happy. Staff meetings are less cool, I deal with it. I took a huge pay cut when I quit my job in Prescott… but, I’m significantly happier with my job flexibility. My kids come first.

All aboard the pity train

Clearly, I’m having an emotional week. I feel like a failure as a parent; my kids have had an emotional week too. One child accused me of not supporting them and picking favorites based on the decisions that I supported, one child is upset because I cannot afford to send them on a trip and requested that the child pay for the trip themselves, one child insists that she is unattractive AND has pink eye (I think it’s allergies but her older sibling convinced her it is, in fact, pink eye,) I wouldn’t let another child attend a party with high school senior boys, one went to bed crying because I didn’t hug them enough that day, one was wigging out about chores and how life isn’t ‘fair,’ another was upset that they weren’t allowed to stay up late. And that was just ONE day this week.

I’ll tell you what, parenting is hard. It’s sometimes emotionally exhausting. It’s painful. It’s disappointing. It’s full of ups and downs…the downs are debilitating. Teenage girls are hard. Yes, sometimes it is beautiful, funny, a learning experience, and all around lovely. But not this week. This week blows. I do not like disappointing my kids, I don’t like feeling defeated, I don’t like seeing my humans sad or hurt. I am not their friend, I am their mother. Every choice I make, I do in the best interest of my children. I constantly have to remind myself of those very words because it’s crazy, I remember being a teenager and I know how upset I’d get at my parents when they made their decisions. I know why my parents said no or treated me differently than my siblings. I do all the things that I do because I love them. I wish they would understand that. I wish they knew that I worry about each of them every-damn-day, for very different reasons, obviously, but I worry about them.

I am not the perfect parent, I make mistakes. I make bad choices. I’m not always the best role model. I’m selfish, stoic, and blunt. I am careless, irresponsible, and impulsive. I know my flaws, I am not nice! <—— definitely click that 😂!

I love my kids despite their flaws, I love them so deeply I will sacrifice anything and everything for them. I know they love me too, even if I hurt their feelings. I’m certain my babies know that I would do anything for them, within reason, and that all my choices typically have their best interest in mind… well after the initial dissapointment, punishment, or whatever ‘unfair’ decision I’ve made.

Stupid emotions. Parenting is hard.

In other news, I didn’t make the cut for the challenge. I didn’t think I would BUT a friend of mine did and i am SUPER excited for her! Yay!!

I did the thing

I entered the contest thing, Innovative Health and Wellness is hosting it. It’s unlikely that I’ll be in the running BUT I stepped out of my comfort zone and completed the requirements. A few of my friends entered too and I wholeheartedly support them; I hope they make it through and rock the challenge. Tonight at 6pm they’ll announce the 8 finalist then later (after Facebook votes) it’ll get narrowed down 3 contestants. The challenge is 3 months long and depending on how well each of the contestants do…they’ll pick one person and to be the grand prize winner of $10,000 worth if beauty type treatments. Non evasive type stuff, no plastic surgery or anything like that. Botox, Coolsculpting, manicures/pedicures, spa type things are some of the prizes.

I feel dumb for making that video submission and the fear of rejection is paralyzing. The only comfort I possess is that if I’m not chosen no one will ever see that video. Haha!!

I don’t know why I’m typing about this, possibly anxiety about the whole ordeal. I wish I could feel optimistic or emotionally floored by taking a risk, instead I feel uncertain and, oddly, aloof. Why am I like this, where did all of this insecurity come from?! I’m typically happt, bold, and confident. Uuugh, this is me out of my comfort zone. I’m annoying myself, I know I’m annoying you.


Maintaining relationships

I’m not good with maintaining relationships, its hard. It’s nearly impossible for me to be a present friend. I’m typically busy with kid stuff and directly after kid stuff is spouse stuff. I find it very hard to fit anything else in; I also feel guilty when I do take the time to do something outside my family. On top of all of that…finding quality people to spend time with is another feat. But wait, after finding quality people you’ve now got to sort through scheduling and see if something works. THEN you’ve got to be prepared for unexpected things like a sick kid or flat tire. Having friends is hard, maintaining them is harder.

It’s sorta funny, when I first moved away from my best friend all I could think about was finding friends and maintaining healthy relationships; I was lonely. My spouse couldn’t be my best friend and husband…he just couldn’t. I wanted to escape my life, have coffee with a girlfriend, go on trips, etc. Now, I prefer my spouse over anyone else. Was it always supposed to be that way? I don’t know. What I can tell you is…I’m a crappy friend.

I really, REALLY, need to figure out a way to connect with friends and pull some me time. Life is hard.

Full speed ahead

Aaah. Blue’s bio mom decided to appeal the severance. This is an adoption setback. Seeing as both of her bio parents showed up to the severance trial, spoke to their lawyers, then left the court house without attending the trial…I thought an appeal was out of the question. I guess I was wrong. I think they’re just dragging things out. The bio parents had done only one thing required in their case plan when it was a reunification case. Severance was ordered after 1 year of Blue being in our care. Bio parents STILL requested a trial even though their participation was minimal. Then, as stated above, flaked on the trial. And now bio mom wants to appeal the decision?! This makes no sense at all; it’s bizarre. And for whatever reason bio mom is, presumably, lying about her whereabouts to Blue and boy does that make her angry. This is foster care.

Flower is doing well. At the end of this month the publication will be complete and she will be legally free for adoption. Luckily, I’ve got a rad lawyer in Phoenix and he is familiar with all of this foster care/adoption stuff. Let me know if you need a referral and I’ll hook you up with him, he comes to Mohave County regularly.

Pretty is well, she’s starting a new job next week and she’s confident. Financially she struggles and it terrifies me to send her off to college at the end of the summer. I know she is a survivor, I’ll pray for her. She’s also moving out in March, get it girl!

Biscuit is great, she’s doing her regular classes in high school and she’s also taking 2 classes online. She is on two cheer teams and doing a special performance with one team at a community event in a couple of weeks.

Boychild is well, he qualified for spelling bee at his school. He was very proud of himself, he ended up bombing it on the word ‘pesky.’ He said he added an extra ‘e’ after ‘k.’ Boychild has been playing basketball and football quite a bit. He had excellent grades this last quarter too. He spends his time playing the Switch, making remixes, and riding his dirtbike.

Bunny has expressed interest in football and volleyball. Unfortunately, gender roles are preventing her from trying out for football. Her friends think it’s a ‘boy sport’ and it’s definitely put Bunny on the fence about it. Bunny has exceptional grades and is ridiculously funny.

Lemon will be 5 at the end of the month, wow. The only thing that she talks about is being able to cheer again. She is an excellent reader, she enjoys make up, and is loud. Really, really, loud. All. The. Time. Singing, talking, playing, etc…she’s always at maximum volume.

Lemon’s reading skills.

We are silly.

Boychild’s jam station.

Husband recently had a procedure done, he’s had 6 inches by 1.5 inches of skin removed from his back per the dermatologists findings. Life is scary, just roll with the punches. He is still cute as hell and I love him more than I love air.

I’ve made a decision; I am doing the challenge. I’ve got an application and written the essay of sorts. Now, I’ll be making a video. I’ll post more about the challenge in the next few days. I’m a little apprehensive but I know, deep down, I need to make time for myself. This could be the push I need for a healthier lifestyle and help me get a handle on this self love journey.