10 things NEVER to say to a foster parent

1. What did their parents do to lose their children? First, I hope you didn’t ask while the child was beside me or within ear shot, I may shank you. Don’t be inconsiderate; mind your business. Focus on being supportive and say nice things. Asking questions like this is tasteless and you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

2. Don’t you have enough children? Did you REALLY just say that? If you did, your foot should be so far in your mouth that its pretty close to coming out your ass. You don’t get to decide how many children is appropriate for me… that’s up to me, Husband, and God.

3. I could never foster! I would get too attached! Are you insuinating that I am heartless and I will not get attached? Think again. I will get attached, I will love the child, I will have mixed emotions when the child returns to his/her family. I’m teaching my family how important it is to care for others, no matter the circumstances. I am teaching my children to serve our community’s children, what are YOU doing?

4. You must get paid a lot to foster. I’m so glad you’re interested in my finances! Let’s talk about your crippling credit card debt or maybe the fact that you claimed bankruptcy last fall. No. I do not get paid a lot, I DON’T GET PAID! Yes, the state issues a monthly stipend but that will, likely, not cover all of the children’s expenses. If you’re interested in how much I get monthly, there is a freaking page dedicated to reimbursement rates on my blog. If you’re interested we can talk about my personal healthcare issues while we’re at it.

5. I am far too busy to keep other people’s children. You got me! I woke up one day and said, “I don’t have enough to do. I think I will foster some vulnerable children.” In my opinion, there is ALWAYS time to help someone in need, we all tithe differently.

6. Are you going to adopt this child? If I want to offer information about the logistics of my family and my foster children, I will. If you are a pompous jerk who asks questions that are evasive I will be treating you as a voodoo doll in my mind. I want the child to go home to their parents more than anything in the world but sometimes things don’t work out. I honestly don’t have an answer to this question because I don’t know. Husband and I would love to adopt but first and foremost we need to make sure these families are getting the help they need, getting educated, and getting their family reunified.

7. How can you love other peoples children? Do you love yours more? If you ask this, RUN. Just run away from me because I am pretty sure I will clobber you. Are you trying to guilt me? Are you insinuating that I’m taking away from my family to give to these children? You simply cannot measure love, you multiply it if anything. Some children have never been shown love and I plan on loving every child who comes through my door whether it be a foster child, a friend, a neighbor, etc.

8. Don’t they have a lot of baggage? Don’t we all have some sort of baggage? The bible repetitively says how we’re supposed to help orphans, let me. Since we are talking about baggage, let’s bring up something painful to you and we can reevaluate or friendship based on the said baggage. Not fair, is it?

9. People know they’re not your children, they’re all different races! They are my kids, they’re not pretend kids and they’re not they’re not guests, I am their parent. We live in 2015, why is race so important? Stop being a bigot.

10. Why are they acting that way? Foster kids are processing a significant trauma, sometimes they act out, sometimes they do weird stuff, who cares? My bio kids act out, they do weird stuff and guess what?! I still love them. Sometimes when you come from a totally unstable environment it takes a while to fit into the ‘norm.’ Help me, give praise to the tiniest achievements. If you see me smiling and clapping over something, join in and make a fuss. I can use all the help I can get!

2 Corinthians 9:6-8

The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.

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